Sunday, March 29, 2009

With all the organizing and cleaning, I found two large boxes of Spring/Ostara/Easter decorations in the garage the other day. I haven't decorated for spring in years. I don't think we even decorated eggs last year. It's hard without an infusion of small kids (or even big kids) to inspire me. I did think about it this year, for Ostara. But then I thought, I'm not eating whole eggs at the moment, and Hubby shouldn't really be eating them either. I suppose we could have blown them out and used the egg whites and done something with the fragile empty eggs. But, maybe too much to expect with all the busyness of late.

I sorted through the boxes. I'm keeping a few tiny things. A handful of tiny spring animals - some of them were the boys' tiny toys when they were small. A gaudy blue and white plastic rabbit that we've had forever - don't know why, don't know how or when, but he's a family "heirloom" so I can't get rid of him. A flower garland, a few paper decorations for collage. A bunch of miniature irridescent eggs. A few other things. Not even enough to fill a shoe box.

I had a lot of stuffed rabbits. I have barrels and barrels of teddy bears that I used to put out for Yule and I started in on rabbits for Ostara. But I only collected a box full before I decided not to go crazy two seasons in a row.

I'm only gonna keep these three, who pulled on my heart strings for assorted reasons. The white bunny because I suspect he's actually evil (in a Dr. Horrible sort of way), the little brown one with the steroid enhanced ears because he looked like White Bunny's obvious sidekick. And the moth eaten wool knit bunny was mine as a child. I'd forgotten completely about him!

I haven't been in the studio at all. Family and home responsibilities have been thick and deep. But I did bring my art journal out to lunch with me yesterday and wrote/drew in it. I had big intentions to draw in it every day but that hasn't happened. It's been very intimidating to me. I think one of the problems is that I only use it when I'm out and about and I'm feeling so stiff and out of practice with drawing that I don't want to "ruin" a page. Hence the "Don't make this pretty" comment below.

I'm tearing my hair out because my teen had left his brain on the shelf the night before and forced me into being EVIL MOTHER again. Sigh. I hate being EVIL MOTHER.

What I need to do is bring the collage work I want to do into the journal. My expectations of a journal collage page and a separate "art piece" collage page are completely different. Maybe that will free me up to feel I can be messy and unconcerned about the outcome.

Remember my guerilla heart? I walked the bike path the other day and I saw a bit of red fluttering from a distance. My heart fluttered in response - it's still there! But no, it was only the scrap fabric that I'd used to tie it to the tree. The heart was gone.

I'm not sure if that made me sad or happy. I assumed it would disappear. It makes me wonder where it's journey went from there. Did a deer eat it? Did a punk kid pull it down and throw it in the river? Did some stranger feel it was speaking directly to him/her and bring it home to help heal a hurt? I like to think that latter happened.

My plans to hang the second heart have gone astray as I've LOST the heart! It was in the pocket of my jeans so I'd have it ready when the time was right. But now it's missing. I've checked all the pants I've worn recently, the laundry, my shopping bags. Don't have a clue. I'm assuming it either jumped out of my pocket where and when IT felt the timing was right, or it's around the house somewhere and will turn up again when it wants to be found.


The Bodhi Chicklet said...

Rats! I hate turning into Evil Mother. But you are in good company!

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